Open Circle Yoga comes to Myoga

Namaste all

I am excited to confirm that I will be teaching a Monday lunchtime class at Melissa Billington's Myoga Studio at the Powa Centre, starting the 21st of this month.

Myoga Class Timetable

The idea of teaching at a Yoga Studio is something that has intrigued and perplexed me for a long time. As my own teaching style cannot be easily categorised into any of the recognisable yoga modalities the main barrier has always been a genuine concern on my part that I may be a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.

As my own Yoga practice has, for a long time been defined by my unwillingness to be bridled by the tenets (for want of a better expression) of a specific style of Yoga I did not feel any synergy with the idea of teaching at a studio that has already defined it's own identity.

What did that leave me with? Answering this question properly is going to be a real journey:

I started out my teaching career with a thing called Bodybalance. A modern fusion of Yoga; Pilates and Tai Chi set to contemporary music. This was a gym based class and it had a very specific formula in the way it was taught. For starters, it inherited a method of teaching by example that came from other more traditional group-fitness classes, such as Step. It followed a very structured blue-print of ordered "tracks" where a track is defined by a specific piece of music and choreography. From memory it would be ordered as: Warm-up; Sun Salutations; Standing Poses; Balance Poses; Core; Hamstrings; Hips/Twists; Relaxation.

Each track was tightly choreographed to the music, I learned the value of "counting the beat" when teaching this class in order to know when to transition to new positions/postures. This was actually quite challenging for me as it demanded the sort of qualities you might more readily expect from a dancer. There were quite strict rules about how to queue, as verbal communication was regarded as a key factor in becoming an effective teacher. Staying tight with the music; communicating well with your class and demonstrating good (or accepted) technique were all skills that needed to be merged together and played out concurrently. The ratio of female to male teachers was very high, and there is no doubt a big reason for that is that men struggle more with the sort of multi-tasking qualities needed to pull this off.

The truth is, being a Bodybalance teacher was (and is) quite a talent. It takes a lot of work and you most definitely need certain inherent skills (such as a basic sense of timing and musicality) in order to be a good teacher. It was a tremendous learning curve for me and at the same time helped (at least partially) address an area of great challenge in my life: A serious lack of self-confidence topped off with a good helping of low self-esteem. It was the beginning of a journey into self-belief and purpose, and one that had to be backed up by hard work to bring it all together.

There were some scary memories from my days teaching Bodybalance. Moments when I forgot the choreography and went off on a momentary creative tangent of my own design. It didn't happen often, and if nothing else the simple fear of forgetting was enough to push you to practice the tracks over and over until it really felt like it was drilled into your sub-conscious. I need to credit Bodybalance for allowing me to craft a strong set of basic teaching skills which I've carried with me to this very day. Even more than that, it has influenced quite significantly my teaching style, which to be honest, proved to be another nail in the coffin in terms of putting me at odds with more traditional Yoga teaching methods.

Eventually, my reasons for leaving this system were that I needed to grow. Perhaps if I were to be honest it was also a case of feeling like I was a small cog in a very big wheel and I was never going to go anywhere beyond the place I was already at. The structure of this class began to feel very limiting to me and I wanted to explore other ways of teaching. The only choice was to become a Yoga teacher and I needed that feedom.

Initially I did that without seeking a formal qualification. Instead my training and experience in Bodybalance coupled with my own very dedicated asana practice formed the basis of my classes. When I did seek teacher training it came in the form of Erich Schiffmann who coins the phrase "freedom yoga". His approach is to be inwardly guided and to connect and trust your own innate wisdom. It was in perfect sync with my own philosophy and to this day I don't think I could have picked a better person to seek a qualification from. At the end of the day I don't really think a paper document means you are either a good teacher or a bad teacher, but it does mean you cared enough to make the effort. In reality, who I am as a teacher has little to do with my teacher training, it is mostly a product of my own evolving practice and philosophy.

The method of teaching in front of the class, as it so happens works very well for what I want to offer:

1) Non interference

Hands on adjustments are not something I am inherently against and this is not a question as to which way is right or wrong. Touch is a form of communication and connection with others. There are dangers though. I have been injured by teachers who became quite ambitious on my behalf and pushed me too far into a pose. In the context of Teacher/Student, there is a balance of power heavily tilted towards the teacher. Both people are playing a role. However the role I choose to play is not that of a traditional teacher. I am not trying to create a vision for my students to aspire to. I wish to be a facilitator of a very abstract concept: to help the participant connect to their own evolving inner truth, body mind and spirit. To adjust a student I am therefore doing two things in conflict with my objectives: (a) Inflicting my vision upon them (b) Externalising their experience. I realise a new student needs guidance, but for me I limit that to keeping them safe and following basic alignment rules with which to wrapper their experience and growing conciousness around.

I'm working on a very basic premise here: That I am not the true teacher of the self. That is you. That is where I found my own truest teacher and it is what I want for my students as well.

2) Flow

I do not see Yoga asana as a discrete set of poses. I see the whole class as one pose connected by a thread of alternating breath and continuous movement. The truth is I often hold poses when I'm teaching a class, but just because the external movement has stopped, the internal movement, the breath, the flow of energy; thought and emotion still continue to occur. Pacing is a very relevant part of what I do, and there is no better way to be a facilitator of timeless flow than when you are experiencing it yourself first hand. I know there are systems of Yoga that prohibit the teacher from doing any of the poses in the class, and again I don't argue against the reasons for this approach. I will say I have been to many such classes where the combination with this and making student adjustments, the rest of the class is left to fry in a challenging posture for what can seem like a small eternity. Far from bliss it becomes a sort of torturous hell where you see if your will is strong enough to outlast the teachers absenteeism from the rest of the class. Often, when the teacher realises they have lost their sense of flow they will then rush the next side, which in my view only amplifies the imbalance. This is one aspect of Yoga where I feel closer to Ashtanga, as it becomes more about the student and the flow, than it is the teacher.

One of my students very recently came to me after class and told me she felt like the whole class felt like a dance. Her comment made me smile for the rest of the day. I don't want my Yoga peeps to feel they have done a set of individual yoga postures, I want them to feel like they have experienced a holistic asana practice.

3) Creative Evolution

Before teaching a class I have an idea of what the theme will be, but being in the moment, being in each pose, I am often guided to allow the Asana flow and connections to alter and evolve from their more regular patterns. For this reason no two classes are ever completely identical. At times very similar, yes, but sometimes a little different or sometimes a lot. Very cool things can happen that I could not have predicted because one moment suggests the next and you cannot circumvent that process. You have to let it happen and trust each moment to guide you to the next. This is not about random-yoga. I call on my own experience to use the building blocks and connect them in a way such that the sum is always far greater than the parts, perhaps even transcending them altogether. Certainly there have been some classes that went so well that I find myself feeling sadness in the knowledge that if I were to ever try and recreate it, it would only slip further away, but that is the nature of how I teach

So having said all of that, I found my home as a teacher at Gyms or independently at community halls. For the last 2 years I taught at a studio called Purebalance. It was a good fit because the owner did not teach Yoga but a contemporary blend and she was very open to my approach. Myoga is in some ways a brave step for me as I come closer to an established system that more deeply honours many of the traditional mechanisms we associate with Yoga. The truth is owning your own Yoga studio in a country as small as New Zealand can be a challenge financially. I have always liked what this studio represents and it has been reflected in the broad range of events Melissa has allowed to occur at her venue. One of the reasons I'm going to teach there is Karmic: I genuinely want to support and help Myoga grow from strength to strength. Another reason is that it feels like a great next step for me, to be closer to a traditional Yoga audience and share what I do with them. It feels like it is time and that I am ready: I have a much deeper sense of peace and understanding in what I do and what I offer, and of course what I get back from it.

The business model is slightly unusual. Members of Melissa's studio get to come to my class for free, as it is covered in their membership plan. Existing and new people to my Open Circle classes can use or purchase my existing concession cards and will effectively have access to both this class and my Wednesday lunchtime class at St Andrews. I am committed to giving this class time to grow roots and become strong, but like my class content, I am open to see how it evolves, and each moment will lead to the next. Hope to see you there.

Myoga Address

Peace

b

The Christmas Lilly

I have a close friend who has been going through chemotherapy for the last few months. For many years we have shared all the gory details of our lives with each other, and in doing so, have continued to grow closer and closer. Slowly building the sort of trust that money could never buy.

It hasn't always been plain sailing. For my part there have been times when I was lazy and selfish, not investing in the friendship nor giving back that which I had been so generously given. With any sort of relationship comes the burden of responsibility and expectation. At times I was found very much wanting. There was even a point, perhaps in my own arrogance, where I decided I didn't really need this friendship. My life was going so well  and I felt it was becoming too much work, I rationalised my lack of effort by blaming her expectations as being too much of a burden.

Funny how a few years later when my world came crashing down around my ears she was the first person I thought of, and the first person I reached out to. Such was her quality that in spite of my own abandonment and betrayal of such a precious gift, she was there for me, 100%

It's moments like these that are our greatest teachers. They teach you about yourself, and they teach you about others. Sometimes giving love feels very easy. It pours from your heart like waterfall over the face of a cliff. Other times though, you have to really work at it. You need to fill the bucket with water, and trek miles over barren desert in order to deliver the payload. Then you watch your small bucket of love evaporate into the sand like it was never even there. So you take the trek back across the desert to your heart, maybe try to find a bigger bucket,  and begin again.

The lesson I learnt, was that whether your love feels like a waterfall, or whether it feels like you are hauling buckets of water across the face of the Sahara desert, you need to understand it's not just about you. If you both value and honour the plant you are watering, you will do it, no matter how hard it feels inside.

I have a Christmas Lilly growing at the front of my house. It is shielded from the rain, so unless I water it regularly, it will die of thirst. It was given to me by my mum and step-dad a few years ago, at a time when I had re-established a fragile relationship with them. That relationship exists no more and I will only say I am very much at peace with this: Wisdom is knowing when things are beyond your control. However, the year after I was given the Lilly it flowered, and then over the winter months it died. I was not sure if it was negligence on my part or the harsh conditions that killed it, but either way I pulled it from the earth and thought I would never see it again. But in spring small Christmas lilies started to grow from the otherwise barren ground. I was so surprised that I watered them with great enthusiasm and the following Christmas they flowered again, even more beautiful than the year before. 

It is quite an effort to keep the Lilly from dying over the summer months. The ground dries and turns to dust very quickly. But it really means something to me. Keeping this plant alive has become deeply symbolic: To let go of bitterness from my own heart; to remember and honour love that was once given; and to look towards the future with belief that love will rise again if you tend to it diligently.

My friend who has cancer fights a fierce battle that comes on many fronts. She lives with the physical betrayal of her own body, and she lives with the brutal side affects of the chemical treatments. Those side affects are more than just physical, they mess your your brain chemistry and hormones. The emotional trauma is every bit as bad and perhaps worse than the physical suffering. On top of all of this, the challenges of her everyday life are multiplied ten-fold. With all this going on, she is still my friend, and by that I mean she still works to support me and the personal challenges I face in my own life, even when they pale to triviality in comparison to what she is going through.

I have realised that my responsibility to her, and what she is going through right now is also the gift I earned over many years. In spite of my failings I did water the plant and it grew strong enough to survive. Maybe others would not have, and this one is as strong as it is beautiful. Perhaps I am luckier than I deserve.

The purpose of this post is twofold: To impart wisdom learnt from my own life experiences, and to acknowledge a beautiful and rare friendship, one that I hope and pray will not be taken from me for many years to come. For my part, I must do better to water it, while I still can.

What if I told you..

Over the years I've often found myself sitting in the middle of two different points of view. It has often had the unfortunate affect of leaving me without any discernible "side" to call my own. sometimes accused of being a fence-sitter, as time has worn on I can now very confidently object to such a metaphor as being both biased and inaccurate. What if I told you, there is no fence, and there are no sides. These concepts are in fact  an artificial construction of our own minds. They create a static immutability in the way both the head and heart can travel and grow. They define rules that limit critical thinking and even more importantly, the capacity to let our hearts love.

Ironically, I perceive opposing sides as two  faces of the same coin. It is their very polarity that makes them so similar. They are divided by the same forces that join them: Darkness, Anger, Pride. Interesting that all these attributes are internal. We can argue that these sorts of emotions are the product of seemingly unjustifiable events that have occurred in our lives but regardless of their origin they are what they are. They are not good things to have living inside our hearts. Justifying their presence through external events only strengthens and entrenches their existence, and by extension the actions they give rise to.

One of the biggest lessons I ever learnt from Yoga is the idea to internalise, to find your answers from the inside -rather than trying to make sense of the chaos on the outside. Unlike the outside, we have full control of the inside. A paradigm shift occurs when you realise that no matter what the complexities of the situation you face are, the way to peace begins inside your own heart, and not through the actions of others. This is true empowerment, and if everyone was wise and brave enough to take this hard journey towards inner-light, the world would be a much better place.

2013 Amber Spear Wellington Workshops Preview

This is just a small pre-announcement that my dear friend Amber Spear has decided to run 3 workshops in Wellington on the week ending of March 8-10 2013. I will provide further details soon but for now I want to provide some personal context regarding my association with this very special Yogini.

Earlier this year I took quite a leap of faith, joining Amber on her Bali retreat. I arrived in a strange country, never having met Amber nor any of the other participants attending. I may have arrived as a stranger but I left knowing I was now part of a family. I was filled with a sense of gratitude towards Amber for her open heart and spirit. If not for her none of this would ever have happened. A Globe-travelling Yogini and native of Australia (but with a connection to NZ) Amber visits all parts of the world sharing her love of Yoga and constantly seeking to expand her own horizons. She is a brave and courageous soul who brings a lot of good into the world and I admire her greatly. Definitely, she has made my life a better place and helped me on my on-going journey to be a better person.

It is my sincere hope that her workshops will be well supported while she is here, in a very real sense of the word I'd like to see the Wellington Yoga community in general, and more specifically my own Yoga Whanau really step up to the plate and make her visit the success I know it deserves to be. In addition, and having experienced a lot of Ambers teaching, I know her workshops will also be suitable to curious non-Yogis willing to try something new. I guarantee everyone who attends will be glad they did. Amber does not teach like me, and she will share new insights and offer new challenges outside the scope of my own classes. I see this is a wonderful thing and an opportunity not to be missed.

The General Theory of Yogic Relativity

A new Hot Bikram Yoga studio has opened near to where I live. Yesterday I thought what the hell I'll go check a class out. The teacher was very good and I learnt some new things. at the end of the class she told me I was a very difficult person to teach because clearly I have developed my "own way" of doing things. She said she appreciated that I was a "good listener" and was willing to quickly adapt to her instructions. I did not tell her I was a teacher but I did say I am an improv Yogi and have been doing my own practice for many years. My view is when in Rome do as the Romans do but doing a class like this where there is only one right way of doing things (and therefore an infinite number of wrong ways) only continues to confirm that such a path can never do more than intersect with my own. Honestly I don't think it is wrong to deal in absolutes because some people need this sort of clarity in their lives. I've seen such a process create very beautiful people so I know it can't be wrong.

Many years ago I did a class in L.A. with a teacher called Saul David Raye. He said something near the beginning of the class that I decided to make a part of my own classes. He said "please understand that everything I say is a suggestion and an idea. It is never an instruction or a command". Maybe because I was surrounded by other Yogi's who felt like me, this class was a unique experience and perhaps one of the most special classes I have ever attended.

I am at a place now where I feel there is room to co-exist with systems and ideas that apparently conflict with my own basic truths. This is why I call myself a Libertarian. It seems, two (or more) different answers can both be right, it all depends on the relative state of the listener. I think this is a good place to be because it opens you up to learning beyond the line of sight of your own gaze.

The messenger: shot or stuck on a pedastal..

Being a yoga teacher feels like two opposing forces pulling at me simultaneously. I am attracted to the act of teaching and derive great pleasure from it. It makes me feel good about myself as it tests my sense of courage and self-belief. It answers the question as to whether it is ok to trust my instincts because an intuitive class structure rarely lets me down. I see validation; recognition and understanding [of the path chosen] in the eyes of those who participate. I think that anyone who really deserves to be called a teacher knows how the gratification of ones own ego interferes and degrades the authenticity of the teaching process itself. I always feel good after teaching in as transparent a way as possible because I know I've made other peoples lives a little bit better, or sometimes a lot. It is a fact that I've helped people suffering from depression to keep their head above water, and I did it without needing to know their life story nor require them to risk the fragile things stored inside their hearts. Even going beyond the class I know that I have shared a set of tools that they may be able to use on their own to self-medicate in a truly natural and healthy way.

With so many positive attributes associated with teaching it may come as a surprise to learn that I am often repelled from being a teacher. That is really what this article is about: An attempt to understand the negative force that at times has threatened my desire to continue teaching. At the nub of the matter is the simple fact that I worry about being seen as a stereo-type, something not real. Not only do I think western culture has a narrow and messed up view of Yoga, I think that eastern doctrine is so elevated that I can't even see the top of it because I fall so far short of the ideals.  I worry about what my participants see, or what they don't see, when they look at me. When they ask me to challenge them, inspire them, but not break them. To show them the way. After years of teaching I can see what it has given me, and what it has not. I realise I made a decision a long time ago that Yoga would not ever be my religion. I would not throw myself blindly into it, relinquishing my own essence, my desire to search for answers to questions posed by my own heart, questions that are often so formless and organic and wild that I could never hope to trap and define them in something as simple and artificial as words.

What do they see?!? It is instructive to look at a couple of well known Yogis, who to my mind have been confused with being the process, rather than a conduit of it. John Friend is an obvious and contemporary example. A beacon of virtue and a paragon of clarity and confidence. Showing a new and meaningful way into Yoga for the modern practitioner, only to then fall from grace in the revelations of both his home-wrecking philandering and the financial pilfering of the great riches his Yoga empire had accumulated. In his case, the messenger got well and truly shot down when the illusion of greatness was shattered. If one is inclined to think that Yogis might naturally choose to show compassionate equanimity in the face of such a fall from grace, one should seriously think again. while many quarters did indeed react with a calm and well-thought out philosophical response, I saw those in the Yoga mosh-pit bray for sacrificial blood.

Then of course there is Bikram Choudhury. Many western yogis have embraced this man as if he is the yogic equivalent of the second coming. To cut to the chase, I personally find it baffling and appalling (in equal amounts) that people can't see through the 2 dimensional larger than life façade designed to make this man the wealthiest self-made Yogi in modern history. I don't actually dislike him, nor do I deny the powerful good he has brought into many peoples lives. I just don't understand why people can't see him for what he really is. Again, the messenger has become confused with the message, and in this case, he sits on a pedestal made of gold.

But this is not me. I do not wish to be shot down nor elevated up. I am not the source, I am not the process, I am just working as a channel to deliver and realise an idea turned into motion and energy. The process is perfect, in the most beautiful and truest sense of the word, but I am not the process and I am everything the process is not. I've heard it said that we are what we repeatedly do, but I have no ambition nor desire to be falsely identified with something as sterile and inhuman as a beautiful idea. I have doubts, I have fear. I question myself and sometimes I only half know what I'm doing. At certain times in my life I even feel that I am a trainwreck and the only thing I am sure of is I have an innate capacity for love, and as long as I don't lose sight of that, I will continue to sparkle in the classes I teach no matter how dark my life becomes outside of them.

At the end of my most recent class a gentleman I have not seen in a long time came to talk to me. He told me of his injuries. He told me of his sickness. He told me of the breakup of his relationship and of his new partner. He told me of the death of his new partners mother and of the fact that his son was no longer living with him. He told me of an 80,000 dollar bill he faced because his house had been built badly and leaked. He told me of the pressures of his job and how it was sending him on trips around the world, leaving him little time to spend on himself, thus explaining his absence from Yoga. When finally he stopped talking, I took a moment to wonder what on earth I could possibly say, and I realised there was nothing I could say, so I just hugged him instead. I don't think he expected that, but it was the right thing to do, as I felt something crumble, not just in him, but in myself too. It turns out he didn't need to hear the words I didn't have to say. He just needed someone to care. I did care, all I had to do was show it. The point? Being a Yoga teacher requires cultivation of the heart. It requires you to grow as a person, and in true form, as you give, you get back.

In writing this article I knew I was getting close to the answer to my question, and in doing so I have freed myself from some of the tension that sits in the back of my mind playing tug of war with my passion to teach. I have realised that it does not really matter how badly I fuck up in my own life, nor how unworthy I feel towards the process I share. I know I am not the process, I'm just a slob like everyone else.  As long as I share that process with genuine sincerity and with an authenticity that can only come from within, then I am simply following my calling. If there is a god, then god meant me to teach, he gave me that gift, but he never said I needed to be any better than anyone else because of it. I don't think he ever wanted me to live with such a burden or responsibility, and I unshackle myself from it. If this unshackling disillusions certain Yoga practitioners then we can all take solace in the fact that there are still plenty of people like John Friend and Bikram Choudhury ready and willing to step up to the plate and create the illusion that they are worthy to be seen as one and the same as the magnificent process they share, as long as you are willing to pay the price of entry. The bottom line is, if I didn't teach, I would still be a slob, but I would be a bigger slob than the one I am now.

hey there, here's a couple of funny or tragic (take your pick) references related to my article:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/15/john-friend-anusara-scandal-inside-the-wiccan-sex-coven.html

http://boingboing.net/2012/08/31/bikram-choudhury-yogas-bigg.html

Wellington Yoga Classes 16/07/2012 - 22/07/2012

Open Circle Yoga, St Andrews Church Hall, Wednesday 12pm-1pm =ON=
Purebalance Yoga, Plimmerton, Saturday, 9am-10:15am =ON=
Open Circle Yoga, Ngaio Town Hall, Sunday 1:30pm-2:25pm =ON=



During the weekend I actually got of my metaphorical ass and constructed some basic flyers to advertise my Open Circle Yoga classes. Stuck one on the Ngaio Hall Notice Board and gave the rest to Carolyn Patchel to stick up and hand out via her already established network.


This really is the first time I've made a legitimate effort to market my classes and for that reason alone it is worth taking a moment to recognise this as a significant event in my life as a Yoga Teacher. I have no idea if this will offer any assistance to attracting members, but I reckon if it brings even a single person to the classes it was worth it. 


In the end, I feel that via word of mouth a slow and evolutionary growth of the class is the path that I hope; expect and believe will occur, and I'm genuinely willing (and able) to give it the time an expectation like that needs to prove itself.


In a way, the growth of a new class feels very similar to the development of ones own practice. It evolves organically, and is best if built on strong foundations.


Namaste all!
b

Wellington Yoga Classes 02/07/2012 - 08/07/2012

Open Circle Yoga, St Andrews Church Hall, Wednesday 12pm-1pm =ON=

Purebalance Yoga, Plimmerton, Sautday, 9am-10:15am =ON=

Open Circle Yoga, Ngaio Town Hall, Sunday 1:30pm-2:25pm =ON=

Hi all. well I'll admit that while my new class was very well supported at the start, it has quickly dropped off, but this was totally to be expected. My view is that it will now slowly start to build up again, but I do need to let people in the Ngaio community know the class exists (strangely enough). It is an interesting experience being the so called "owner" of a new class, and being totally responsible for either it's success or failure.

As a very dedicated practitioner of Yoga (well, something I call Yoga anyway) one assumes a natural progression into being a teacher. Although I actually love teaching, and would find it hard to imagine doing Yoga without teaching being a part of it, I very much see it as a branch of my practice rather than the trunk.

The hardest part about being a teacher is the fact that you put yourself out there for the evaluation and judgement of others, yet that is not why I chose to do yoga. Ironically, I chose to do it for the very reason I was not subject to anyone elses opinion (other than my own). I remember doing the Yoga Performance I called "Equipoise" (funnily enough a well known body-builder did a double take when I told him the name as Equipoise is also the name of a certain performance enhancing substance). When I accepted the challenge to create a routine I decided it would be 100% true to the nature of my practice, not just as a final product but also in the way I created it. This means I did not seek input from anyone else, I just followed my intuition. I chose the music; I developed the choreography; I decided how and when I would train. I took some time to understand and accept what I had committed to, and then I used Yogic principles to guide everything that led me up to the moment I stepped on stage and did my yogic dance. When that time came, I did not really care what anyone else thought, because I was happy with it, and everything I'd done to create it, and that was all that really mattered.

For me, teaching is the same. I understand there are marketing realities to being a teacher. You need to let people know you are there and what you are doing, but I guess that if teaching is a branch of my practice, then marketing of the classes is yet another branch that comes off of the teaching one. These things are all a necessary part of growing within the environment and society within which we live, and they all have their place. The fact that I have no real financial pressure to teach is an interesting place to be. The motivation to grow the "marketing branch" of my Yoga tree is not very strong, but I do want to see the class succeed, if only for the simple reason I believe so much in what I'm doing.

In the end, my inner truth is that these branches can be cut off, or simply die when their time has come, it is the trunk that needs to survive, in order for new branches to grow.

Whether the new class becomes established or not, will be 100% my responsibility, but it ultimately will have no impact on my practice or commitment to My Yoga, and I only say this, because this knowledge is the greatest source of my strength: What I share is not the same thing as what I am. What I am is a Yogi.

I am aware of the saying "You are what you repeatedly do" so maybe yes, maybe I am more than my trunk, I am my branches too, but branches back :-)

Yoga: animal vegetable or mineral?!?

I do remember in the very early days when I started doing formal Yoga classes there was a level of intrigue and mystique about the teachers themselves.

For one thing they possessed a sense of ease and presence in their own bodies which I immediately coveted. Due to the very nature of the Yoga practice this seemed to be directly related to flexibility, so I very quickly became quite obsessed with the idea that in order to gain what they had, I needed to work very hard to loosen up my (by comparison) impossibly tight body.

Further more, they also appeared to know something about life that I did not. The way  they viewed life and the way they lived it seemed so at peace, yet at the same time strangely out of reach. I came to wonder, after a while, that maybe my personality did not really give me access to this type of existence, but that thought alone did nothing to diminish my desire to work very hard at mastering the physical postures, even though that goal seemed every bit as out of reach as the goal to seek a deeper understanding of their apparently enlightened mental and spiritual state.

The actual style of Yoga I was doing at that time had a strong bhakti/devotional emphasis, which in hindsight definitely presented a challenge for me given the type of person I am. At this stage in my Yoga Journey I feel quite strongly that there are many paths towards "self realisation" and the key to doing Yoga effectively is finding the path that most suits who you are and where you are -but neither of these statements are trivial or easy to put a place-marker on. Often it is the very fact that we don't know who/where we are that we would chose to do Yoga in the first place.

So this mystique of the teachers, I would have to say that to a certain degree it was a projection of my own limited perception as much as it was a true representation of the teachers themselves. I think when you are at a place in your life where you are really looking for answers those who appear not to suffer that same apparent yearning, by implication do not lack that very thing for which you are searching. You therefore see these people in a light that makes them very desirable, both as a role model and as someone you want to learn from.

How exactly I went from being the person I was then to the person I am now had it's moment of fundamental transition when more of my focus and energy started going into the process, and less into the teachers and personalities who shared them with me. After I left my first style of Yoga, feeling quite unsatisfied yet still deeply intrigued and inspired, I found another teacher who taught a style of Yoga that resonated much more deeply. However due to the actual practice itself being the main attraction, when I moved on from this teacher I did not loose the Yoga, for that was something I was already starting to make my own.

Since that time I've had many different teachers, either for very short or longer periods, but it was always the process, not the teacher who mattered most. As I am now a teacher myself I have an acute desire to honour my own belief system about what it means to be a Yoga teacher: To be as transparent yet as effective as possible in delivering the process, without ever being confused as being the process (i.e. the Yoga). Therefore I see Yoga primarily as a large array of processes, each with a fundamental philosophy underlying them, yet ultimately (and perhaps idealistically) all leading to the same place.

The funny thing is what inspired me to write this article is the recent end of a friendship with another Yoga Teacher. Far from being mystics, For some time I have appreciated more than ever that we are just human like everyone else. When I look back at those god-like teachers (as I saw them in the early days) I now realise they never existed. They no doubt had to make the same painful decisions I (and everyone else) has to make all throughout our lives: A choice that has no right or wrong answer. Only a choice made and a choice not made. More than ever the word "Yoga" comes to have less and less usefulness to me yet at the same time feels like a word I feel I understand better than I ever have before.

I know I won't ever be that enlightened teacher I imagined I saw when I first started Yoga, but I don't feel a sense of disappointment or failure about that. I think I am becoming something more real. I know I am vastly different from the person I was when I started, so transformation has most certainly been taking place. But I know I will always be human: I know I will make mistakes and will sometimes be cruel and selfish. Sometimes I will be a coward when I should and could have been brave. But mostly, I realise that the process of Yoga has served me better than I could ever have imagined, and that I'm a better person today than I was yesterday, and that as long as I stick with the process I will be an even better person tomorrow.

Wellington Yoga Classes 11/06/2012 - 17/06/2012

St Andrews Church Hall, Wednesday, 12pm-1pm =ON=
Purebalance, Plimmerton, Saturday, 9am-10:15am =ON=
Ngiao Town Hall, Sunday, 1:25pm-2:10pm *Trial Class* =ON=

I am excited to announce that I am trialling a new class at Ngiao town hall this Sunday. The background of this class is that there appears to be a synergistic interest from the lovely Zumba peeps whom I've come to know through Carolyn Patchells awesome Zumbalicious group dance/fitness classes.

With her blessing and enthusiasm I have decided to run this class with a view to making it known and available to her Zumba clientèle, but also open to anyone interested specifically in doing Yoga. It is important to note however that if the class continues as a permanent fixture it will be run as an independent Yoga class under my own branding called "Open Circle Yoga". In other words, it will be linked to my other existing independent class at St Andrews Church hall. In a practical sense this means it will be based around the same (very reasonable) pricing structure and offers the advantage that people who buy concession cards from me will have a choice of two classes.

I do not yet know if this class will stick, or go beyond an initial trial (which I'm running free to everyone) but obviously I hope it does prove to be viable. Believe it or not, I truly love teaching Yoga, and while I will never be the perfect teacher (nor in my view a particularly traditional one) on balance, I know that what I share brings a lot of good and joy into the lives of others, and just as importantly, into my own life too.

As a teacher, I feel it very important to reiterate that I am just a normal fallible human being like everyone else. There was just a natural and organic (if unexpected) calling for me to facilitate a process that has worked very well in my own life and which I now also like to share with others, as an open offering that they might find something of value in it. Teaching itself has become a part of my own practice and it keeps me challenged and growing in ways that for the last several years, while not always easy or without complications, have always been for the better.

Om Shanti
b

The Many Faces of Yoga

I love to bend. It is my art. It is the best way I know of expressing the things inside of me that feel beautiful and strong. Through bending I've slowly become a better person, but it was really nothing to do with being flexible, it was everything to do with the journey it took me on. The more flexible I have become, the more I realise how little it has to do with Yoga. The journey to a very flexible body (for many of us) can be a massive mountain to climb.  It is simply impractical, given the demands of everyday life. The time and energy you would need to spend on such an epic expedition, may simply not be there. I understand the truth of this because I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I know it is not trivial and asks you make sacrifices which may mean making (paradoxically) very selfish choices.

I worry sometimes that as I become ever more advanced in my practice, I separate myself more and more from the reality of others. As I climb ever higher up the mountain, more people will be inclined to say "wow" and less people will be inclined to follow, or even believe they can.

But that is the key, when you make Yoga your own, you are not following anyone except yourself. There are so many ways to do Yoga that have no direct relationship to your physicality. It is not a requirement of Yoga to hold a religious view of the world, but it would probably help if you believed that your existence might be more than just a purely physical manifestation. I'm an agnostic so I in order to honour this position I hold about the nature of our existence I used the word "might". The ability to think and feel is provided to us via a physical vehicle, but that does not mean these things themselves are physical. When you listen to a beautiful peace of music do you credit your ears and brain for this feeling?!? Or was that just a pathway to your "consciousness" which then made a determination about what you are experiencing in the physical world? I do not believe your experience of "beauty" was made by anything physical, it was made in a place were no physical thing can go. My personal (and I stress the word personal) belief is that the human spirit (aka our pure consciousness) is innately attached to our physical vehicle and is created at the time of our inception. I therefore believe it will die at the time of it's passing. This belief brings me no fear, it only makes me realise how truly precious and fleeting the miracle of my own life is, and that of others. To tell the truth, I love to sleep, so I'm looking forward to the ultimate sleep that can truly escape time and space. There are many other views, I celebrate them all, but the purpose of this digression is to understand that if we believe the essence of our existence is non physical then Yoga itself, at the very essence, must be a non physical practice as well.

Want to do Yoga but are very inflexible? Find a class that caters to the needs of an inflexible body. There are many teachers out there these days who offer classes that do not require significant ranges of motion, and taking it a step further, do not treat Asana practice as a particularly significant part of the Yogic journey. There are teachers and guides who focus more on breath; meditation; philosophy; karma; music; chant; dance and community. While I spend a lot of time bending, I practice yoga more when I choose to smile back at the stranger who smiled at me. I practice Yoga more when I choose to forgive myself.  I practice Yoga more when I can love myself enough that the rejection or judgement of others cannot not defeat me. I practice Yoga more when I accept that a door has closed.  I practice Yoga more when I walk through the new doors that open.

I am a Vinyasa flow teacher and I teach a physical path that travels to a non physical place. I follow the principles of non-interference and non judgement. I believe that the true teacher resides within each of us. I do not believe in "the" way, only in "a" way, and that even within the path I have chosen, the branches are many, and I invite my students to develop their consciousness to a level where they can explore them safely and with joy.

Lastly, I practice Yoga more when I write a piece like this, with the simple intent of helping people understand that while I'm climbing the daunting mountain of flexibility, I might one day finally reach the top to find you already there smiling back at me. Nothing could make me happier.

Alone Together

There was a special moment in Bali, after the first full day at the Spirit Festival. As a group we were being driven back to the Villa. The general consensus was that we should be dropped off on the main-street so we could buy dinner at one of the many wonderful restaurants.

I had another idea though. I wanted to go straight back to the Villa so I could wash the layers of sweat off my body and change into clean clothes. I would then walk down to the small restaurant close to where we were staying and have my dinner there.

So I said goodbye to the rest of the team and completed the trip back alone. I had intended to jump into the pool first, but there was just no energy left for that, and the shower and change of clothes felt every bit as refreshing and renewing as I had hoped. 

The sun was just starting to fall and I took a slow walk to find food as my stomach was surely demanding to be fed. It was very quiet and moments before I got to the restaurant the sun had almost fully set. It was at that moment that I became consciously aware of how utterly at peace I felt. I was alone, and it was quiet with no one talking and no need to speak. It was this feeling of being in solitude but completely connected with everything inside of me, that in turn made me feel completely connected with everything outside of me. My whole life had been a progression that had led me to this very moment and I felt that it all had to happen this way or I might never have come to be here now, alone but together.

I took a picture of the fading light, just that very moment before it was gone completely, then I ordered my dinner. I just quietly sat in stillness looking out into the night thinking that this just might be one of the best moments in my life.

Bali Spirit Festival: The blathering of a smitten fool

Bali Spirit Festival

My objective for this blog entry is simple.  To list and review every class I took at the Bali Spirit Festival.  Though I did much more in my travels than just this event, I want to dedicate this particular entry to the historical catalogue of this particular activity and I want to do it now before my memory of it fades any further.  Everything I write is as much a reflection of me as it is of the event.  I'm not attempting an expert analysis or critique of the classes, just my own perception of what happened from an adventurers POV.

Day 1

8am-10am: Erica Mather (Forest Yoga -USA)

This class had a strong focus on Core.  I had convinced my roomie Trevor to attend this session with me and within 10 minutes I felt him punch me hard in the leg.  Yeah, I probably deserved it, my abs felt like jelly and we were only just getting started.  Erica was a wolf in sheeps clothing.  Forest Yoga = strong core focus and long holds.  What a way to start the Spirit Festival.  In summary, enjoyed the class and liked Erica's vibe.  Genuine; full of light.  Forest Yoga =  business time!

10:15am-12:15am: Les Leventhal (Vinyasa Basics -USA)

Having just completed Erica's class, it was time to roll up the mat and head to the next class which myself and Trevor had already decided should be with Les, as he had a reputation as being a quality teacher.  So leaving the pavilion and rechecking the timetable I came to the awkward realisation his session was at the exact same place as the class we had just done.  Of course our spots were gone and it was obvious this class was going to be popular.  So back we went and I managed to squeeze in right beside Erica (who had taught the previous class).

Before the class even began I got a strong feel for Les's style.  a small smile turned into a big smile which turned into belly laughter.  This guy is funny, and he does it by turning the spotlight on typical dogmatic classroom behaviour.  I instantly liked him, because it really didn't feel like an act, this was Les being his true self, and his true self is a very likable person.  The actual class content, I can't honestly remember so much of, except that it felt quite inspired though perhaps it was more because of his narrative than the actual flow of asana that made the class feel special.  It was challenging, but it was mostly Vinyasa, so it did not feel like torture as we did not have to hold challenging positions for an eternity.  It was nice doing the class next to Erica, as I connected to her energy and focus which in turn helped me to go deeper.  At the end of the class Les told me I had a beautiful practice, which certainly made me feel good about myself as quite frankly a lot of the poses Les was offering were well beyond my current capabilities.

1:30pm-3:pm: Tina James (Jivamukti Yoga -Canada)

This class was a somewhat random choice, as I was still feeling a bit shell-shocked from the two previous classes and the bedlam of the lunchtime scrum for food.  It wasn't just that there was a small army of ravenous Yogis wanting to be fed.  It was also that most of the people serving the food had only a limited command of English and they were clearly very comfortable working in a way that seemed as chaotic as the people rucking their way to the front of the lines.  After lunch I took a wander and ended up seeing one of my group (I think it was Donnelle) at a class so lay my mat down beside her, although it was outside the pavilion as there was no room left inside.  The sun was out in full force and even though I had my sunglasses on the intensity of the heat was causing me to sweat whilst doing nothing more than sitting on my mat.  Things were not looking good, and I was starting to worry about my ability to make it through but then Ella showed up and sat down behind me.  It was nice to see her smiling face and being a sensible woman she immediately said we should move to the other side of the pavilion as that side was sheltered from the sun.  I readily agreed and off we went.  Anyway, as to the class, the teacher was very holistic, the asana played second fiddle to the spiritual connection she felt with the people and the earth, which came out in her powerful and loving narrative.  The class was not too challenging which suited me just fine.  We were asked to do a few advanced poses but they were so far out of my reach so I didn't even bother trying them.  I did get to see Ella do full Pigeon with foot to back of head, which she did with such consummate ease that I could not help but be filled with admiration (and a touch of envy).  She had a beautiful practice, but what was special is that it did not feed her ego, which only made me even more inspired.

3:15pm-5:15pm Future Sound of Yoga (Flow session-Australia)

Probably my favourite class of the day.  Firstly is was in the biggest pavilion so there was plenty of room.  Secondly, as the name suggests this class had some great (modern) music in it.  Lastly, the class was taught using the same basic modality of teaching I use:  Non-interference.  Actually, they took it to the next level, as they would first walk us through a simple flow, then they would leave us to continue the flow in our own time, allowing us to change or modify the flow based on our own intuition and experience.  For me, this was heaven, and it was a wonderful way to wrap things up.  Just to be clear, this class was run by a somewhat young looking and trendy couple, with the guy working the sound-system and doing the music mix, and the lady doing the narrative and demonstrating the sequences.  I got the feeling they would fit in quite nicely at a night club and so it was no real surprise when I heard they were also hosting a late night RAVE.  I might like to have checked it out but not at the cost of compromising my energy for the Spirit Festival.  According to one particular wag (a fellow Kiwi no less) "It really went off".

Day 2

8am-10am: Les Leventhal (Vinyasa Hips and Twists-USA)

On Day 1 we had a full house on a taxi trip to /from the venue.  Infact I had people sitting on my knee for both journeys.  On Day 2 we lost at least a couple of people.  I mention it because this was a trend that continued.  Day 1 saw me taking in 7.5 hours of Yoga classes, and on Day 2, I could feel every one of those hours sitting in my body.  In addition, I took to doing a regular 1 hour practice of my own early in the morning at the Villa.  I did this because there is simply no substitute for your own practice. I also did it because as the days wore on I needed a way to revive my body so that it did not feel like a train-wreck.  Anyway, since I enjoyed the first class with Les I decided to back that up with his next class (Trevor joined me and I think Amber was there too).  The class was great and a strong reaffirmation of why Les is such a popular teacher.  What really stood out though was the lady next to me.  One of the most verbal participants I have ever met, you knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling, unfiltered by any acts of censorship.  I later found she was also teaching at the festival, but I did not go to any of her classes.  I do however remember finishing a class just as she was setting up and the first thing I herd her do was drop the F-bomb.  It takes all sorts, and that was what I loved most about this festival: There was something for everyone.  About the actual class, probably the most interesting moment came when Les demonstrated a twisting progression that ended with his leg slung behind the back of his head and his other leg bend back behind him with his arms wrapped around the back of his body.  If you have seen Les, you would not think he looked like a typical bendy Yogi being of short and stocky build.  But this guy can do seriously advanced Asana.  His practice is remarkable and no doubt it is the result of many years of dedicated study.  His humour might disguise the fact that he is such a dedicated and serious Yogi but I really can't see how someone could have achieved such a high degree of flexibility without being utterly dedicated.

10:15am-12:15am: Simon Low (Safe and Sound Yin Yoga-UK)

As I mentioned previously, I was not feeling so great today, so the name of this class was enough to sell it to me.  As it turns out, Simon was an immaculate teacher.  His class was strongly rooted to long standing yogic principles but at the same time the biomechanical analysis of deeply researched anatomy underpinned all the poses we did.  He took a lot of time to explain why we were doing poses the way we did them, and he made it clear that we needed to do these poses in a way that honoured the principles of Yin Yoga, which was not to push it, but to find a place we could genuinely rest in.  As an aside, he also taught chanting/mantra, and his method of teaching difficult to pronounce sanskrit phrases was superiour to anything else I have ever encountered.  When it gets right down to it, I find Yin Yoga very hard.  I'm a Vinyasa kind of guy, and I'm not totally sold on the idea of sitting an innactive body in a statically held position for long periods of time.  What I will say though, is that Simon made the best of it, and I really appreciated his approach.  In my own practice, I always do Yin (long holds of passive poses) after a Yang practice, it just works best for me, and if I ever teach Yin (informally or otherwise) it will always be under this context: Yang first.  I only teach that which I believe works in a practical sense based on my own experiential evidence.  Nothing I have experienced about Yin Yoga so far has changed my view on this, however I will say, Amber ran some Yin flow classes during the retreat, and I was really vibing them.

1:30pm-3:pm: Rachel Zinman (Hanuman-USA)

This class I chose for a rather superficial reason: My love hate relationship with Hanuman asana (Splits, which these days I'll admit is more love than hate).  I was not sure what we were going to get, but I can tell you that by the end of the physical practice we did not do Hanuman asana which made me feel a bit short changed. As to the actual class content, we were given a very comprehensive lecture on the history and mythology surrounding this pose.  (The teacher herself was a practitioner of devotional Yoga -Bhakti Yoga); followed by the physical practice; then devotional chanting.  To cut to the chase I thought the teacher was a lovely lady but this type of class was not for me.  Traditional devotional practices just conflict too strongly my strong sense of constant inquiry.  As some of you know I am an Agnostic, albeit one with spiritual tendencies.  I am uncomfortable treating ancient scripture as anything more than parables designed to provide moral guidance and lessons.  To emphasise devotion as a goal or desirable trait, rather than the natural outcome of a committed journey [into the self] feels fundamentally wrong to me.  Emphasis on the "to me".  The path, regardless of whether it resonates to me or not, is valid it if allows the heart light to shine.  I saw plenty of shining people at the class, nuff said.

3:15pm-5pm: Bunked Class

If I remember rightly, I decided to go for a swim, at which time I noticed the water was so heavily chlorinated I felt like my eyes were going to burn out of the back of my head.  Not surprisingly I didn't stay in there too long.  Then the skies opened up and Bali rain is like nothing else I have seen.  I did manage to catch the end of Danny Paradise teaching an Ashtanga based class, and frankly, I was quite glad I did not go to it mainly because it looked very challenging and I know I would have dived in and probably half killed myself given how tired I was anyway from the day before.  As for the rain, it seemed like it flooded the place and then left as quickly as it came.  I remember just feeling all kinds of tired by the time we got shuttled back to the Villa.

See this post for a beautiful moment I had in Bali at the end of this particular day http://www.bendybruce.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/alone-together.html

Day 3

8am-10am: Copper Crow (Universal Yoga-Singapore)

So this class was hands-down my favourite Yoga/Asana class. Firstly, we just got on with the job. It was physical but accessible, meaning most people with a normal range of motion could really get involved with the flow. Secondly, it had a slight martial arts/eastern feel to it that I really enjoyed. Thirdly it had a unique structure that focused on only 1 side of the body, followed by a short pranayama based meditation and then we did the other side of the body; then another mediation then we did symmetrical poses; then we did strength work. I loved the class, I loved the teacher, maybe the way he taught, if I was to be honest, was most similar to the way I teach, or at least, this is how it felt to me.  Oh yeah, I also liked that in doing downward dog we got to break one of the typical alignment rules, which was in this case we were allowed to push through the chest in order to draw the head towards or even onto the floor. yes yes I get why this is not a good way to always do your dog, but sometimes, at least for me, it is exactly what the doctor ordered, so I appreciated that black and white was muddied into grey, for this is what real life is like.

10:15am-12:15am: Erica Mather (Arm Balances-USA)

So Trevor may have punched me in the leg last time we went to her class, but he was still keen to have another go, as was I. I'll admit when someone says arm balances I think handstands but we did not do that. Instead started with a strong core workout (no surprises there, that's the foundation of Forest Yoga) then we tortured our hips, then we did arm balances most of which required very open hips. Trevor showed me up in this class, and in fact I would say he was probably one of the most advanced people in the class, with a great combination of hip flexibility and strength, meaning he was able to pull off all the poses, including firefly. I'll also mention Julie Dorhman was in the class and sitting beside me. She had done Copper Crows universal Yoga class and very graciously complimented me on my practice. However in this class both Julie and Trevor shined, and I finished with the clear knowledge that I have plenty of opportunity to improve my hips over the next few years. Julie, btw was also a teacher at the festival (anusara inspired) and I do regret I did not get to catch any of her classes, as there was definitely something about her I liked.

1:30pm-3:pm: Les Leventhal (Backbends-USA)

I felt a bit nervous about this class. My back, I regard as precious and I'm very wary of giving up the steering wheel to someone else when it comes to bending of the spine. In all honesty, this class was probably my least favourite of Les's classes, mainly because it felt rushed. Also, as I just said, I'm very picky about how I work my back, and I didn't feel like this class was optimal in terms of getting my spine really open. When it came time to do the more advanced poses, I just didn't feel like I was in the right place to take them on, mentally or physically. So, to put it bluntly, I kind of went my own way at least a couple of times. It was still a good class though, and again, Les demonstrated he was a complete bender, doing poses that even on a good day, I would only be able to dream of doing, and he did them with seeming impunity.

3:15pm-5pm: Bunked Class

Well not really.  I actually went and found a quiet grassy spot and did a combination of handstand and backbending. I did this because I felt like I had not really worked my back as much as I'd wanted in the previous class and because during my time in Bali I had not done nearly as much handstand practice as I normally do at home. I was pleased with my sense of balance and focus. It felt like the break from my regular routine had served to actually improve/freshen me up. The handstand practice went well and felt like fun. The backbending felt good too. I felt open. It was a nice way to finish the day, and all in all, I had definitely found some sort of second wind for this day, compared to the day before I also finished this day by getting a motorbike ride back to the Villa, just for the fun of it. The driver got lost, but that was part of the fun too.

Day 4

8am-10am: Anthony 'Prem' Carlisi & Heather "Radha" Duplex (Mysore Ashtanga -Bali)

This class was a lecture/practice combo and was perfect as I was feeling seriously tired. I appreciated the lecture and what Prem had to say. While I had struggled with Ashtanga (when I did it) I really liked this guy and felt myself wanting to learn from him. He was not dogmatic, he was a deep thinker; he seemed compassionate but also committed to the practice. Speaking of which, when we did the practice is was just the Sun Salutations A and B and a handful of simple standing poses.  Perfect for me, given my level of fatigue was starting to hit the redline.

10:15am-12:15am: Vinn Marty (Soul Motion Sanctuary-USA)

OK, so this was it. This was hands down my favourite class overall. It was in the biggest pavilion and there was plenty of space. No need for Yoga mats, and Vinn made sure to ask everyone to clear the dance floor before he started the class. Something hypnotic and guiding in his voice. I let myself go with it. I let him take me to this place of non judgement; of exploration of body and soul moving with music. Exploring. It just kept building and it was thrilling. To move myself without fear or shame in a way that filled me with joy for my own physical and spiritual presence. To see others all shining in their own unique way, to connect with myself and then trust to connect with others without fear of rejection or attachment. To be chosen by two other dancers as a source of inspiration. I was being me and I was shining brightly without holding anything back. I was also sweating like at no other class, and that is saying something in the heat and humidity of Bali. I remember thinking "this was supposed to be a gentle improv dance class but everyone is going off!" Vinn created the "Town Square" were people could take centre stage and make an offering to the group. I remember meeting someone there and we went crazy, just shaking everything loose to beat of the music and I was for a moment lost in a world of pure light. I wanted to leave the class early because I was just killing myself out on the dance floor, but I stayed, and I allowed Vinn to expertly bring us back down. I left that class feeling like my mind had been torn open. I was vibrating and it was time for lunch, but I don't remember what I did for the next hour because I was in some sort of altered state of perception, but it must have involved a lot of drinking to replace lost fluids.

I did no further classes on this day.  I took an early taxi ride back to the Villa, and at this point I will mention it was only myself and Trevor who came to the Festival on this day. We were the last two standing and as it turns out, half a day (after the mind-blowing class with Vinn) was enough for me. Anyway, the skies opened up and as I was driven back it poured with rain. In my rush to get out of the Taxi and to the shelter of the Villa, I fell and cut my elbow. I jumped into the shower to clean myself up and the water was turned off.  I had soap in my hair and in my eyes and I had blood running down my arm and I was stark naked. It was an outdoor shower but even the rain stopped falling so I didn't even have that.  Half blinded by the soap, I found a jug of drinking water from the bathroom and used it to clear off the remaining suds and cleaned myself up as best I could.  I was exhausted but was unwilling to let this get me down and mostly found myself laughing out loud at how rediculous the whole episode was. A few hours of rest and I bounced back nicely, enjoying the company of my fellow Yogi adventurers as the evening closed in.

Day 5

8am-10am: Cat Kabira (Yoga Energetics-Bali)

In spite of yesterday, I did my own morning practice, and headed to the last day of the festival feeling like a war veteran ready to go into the final round of battle, knowing that one way or another, I was going to see this thing to the end. Amber had rejoined us, but Veronika said she would come later. So it was a team of 3.  And all 3 of us did Cats class. Her teaching was precise and unrushed.  The core work felt very similar to Erica Mather's forest Yoga. In other words, it was challenging. The Asana practice was mature and well structured, with nothing too outrageous and to be honest I was just pleased to have just made to the end of the class.

10:15am-12:15am: Bunked Class

Thought I might do the hip-hop class but it was filled with little kids.  Went to the Mandala Dance class and found it was for women only (doh!) Decided to go watch the Yoga Mala 108 Sun Salutations. I would have joined in but the floor was full.  Well there may have been a few gaps but yeah, I was happy to just watch. Went and got lunch just before the queues started to build, was a great plan!

1:30pm-3:pm: AwaHoshi (Crystal Bowl Healing-USA)

I'll cut to the chase here. I chose this class because it involved doing nothing more physical than listening and either sitting or lying down. We started with a lecture and frankly I wasn't buying most of what she had to say. It had the feel of a snake-oil merchant to me. But what I will say is the crystal bowl music was pure bliss. It did seem to vibrate through my whole body. It was more than just the sound hitting my ears. It was washing right through me, and it was just what I needed. Trevor had made a deep affirmation before the session (as we were asked to do) and I very sincerely hope that it came true.

3:15pm-5pm: Vin Marti (Soul Motion Alone/Together-USA)

Having loved his session so much the day before, this was a no-brainer. The problem was we were in a much smaller space, and there were a lot more people. But it was party time, and this class felt more about just dancing for fun. There were moments when I felt like it was something spiritual, moments were I was exploring movement in ways that felt very personal and special, but mostly it was just time to rock it out with the other yogi peeps. I had a lot of fun, but I was running on empty and I had to stop a few times and rest.  When it was over, my T-Shirt and Pants were as wet as if I'd jumped into the pool. Before leaving I purchased a new T-Shirt just so I had something dry to put on.  Amber had left at lunchtime, leaving myself and Trevor to find out own way back to the Villa. I opted for a motorbike ride. Before leaving, a complete stranger gave me a big hug and said she hoped she would see me again next year. Maybe she had been at Vins dance class, I don't know, but it summed the Festival up perfectly. This had been a coming together of people, open to sharing their differences in order to become one.

That night, myself and Trevor went to the closing night concert at Arma. I was so tired I did not think I was going to go, but then I realised this was my last night in Bali and even if I had to crawl on my hands and knees, I needed to be part of the final party. I'm so glad I did. The live music was rocking, and Ella and Indra were both there so somehow I refound enough energy to shake my booty and we danced and smiled and I felt like I'd fallen in love with Bali.

More importantly, I realised this was me, and I was loving life, like for real

If you hurt yourself doing Yoga it's because you weren't doing Yoga..

One of the cool things about having your own (in this case Yoga themed) Blog is that you can write whatever feels topical and relevant to you at the time. A new friend of mine on fb, whom I've admired for many years as a contortionist, posted an interesting video link to my wall that reviewed a new Yoga book called "The Science of Yoga".  See the video here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESMGLAbYiDs

In a somewhat related theme, the NZ Herald also posted an article about the dangers of Yoga
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/health-wellbeing/news/article.cfm?c_id=1501238&objectid=10786455

This article was co-contributed to by Mande White and Kara-Leah Grant.  Mande is an old school Yoga teacher whom I did a class with a few years ago and the impression I got was that she was surprisingly competitive and goal-oriented for a Yoga teacher.  I will say she clearly has a strong understanding of Asana, both as a practitioner and as a teacher.  I know Kara-leah personally and love her particular brand of Yoga, Prana-flow has a soft edge to it, while at the same time offering deep physical emersion and a connection to rhythm and movement.

Anyway, It's all interesting stuff and it provokes a desire from me to put my own pov across.  Last year one of my long time students gave me a xmas card thanking me for 9 years of service.  Seriously?  I've been teaching for nearly 10 years and I have a student who has been loyal to me for all that time?!?  The fact is, I have kept my role as a teacher very low key, and it even surprised me to discover that I can almost legitimately declare that I am no longer a beginner.

But the thing is, I would have to say that as a teacher, I'm still just scratching the surface.  Teaching something as big and as vague as Yoga, even a master teacher must surely pick and choose his intended path and direction, the one that resonates most.  I may teach, but I have kept it a low key aspect of my life, and for several reasons:

I did not want to make it my job.  I already have a job, and Yoga is my passion.  I know some people might say, why not make your job your passion and your passion your job?!?  Well associating Yoga as a revenue gathering exercise concerned me greatly, I just did not want to risk killing the single biggest passion I had found in my life by making it my primary source of income.  This was a personal choice, and in hindsight it was absolutely the right choice for me.  It may not be the right choice for me going forward.  Things change, and that is as detailed an explanation as I wish to share at this point in time.

I did not want to be identified as a full blown "Yoga Teacher" when in all honesty I was (and still am) uncomfortable with the label.  There is just way too much idealism associated with it and ironically, the whole reason that Yoga was working so well for me was the freedom it gave me from expectation and dogma.  I often find it both insightful and dismaying to listen to other Yoga students and teachers talk about their personal expectations of their teachers.  It seems to be human nature that we need to find figure-heads and stick them on a pedestal.  The truth is, there are plenty of teachers who want to be put on the pedestal too, either because they actually believe their shit does not stink or because they enjoy the power and money such a position will garner them.

So I can tie this back to the video and news article because it all relates to the same thing.  Miss-identification.

I freaking love Asana!  For me, I don't just practice it as a Yogic tool.  I practice it as a means of artistic expression.  I feel like I'm somehow closer to being the real me when I practice Asana and it has nothing to do with fulfilling a Yogic goal.  I'm just being me, as I was meant to be.  Maybe the distinction does not really exist but it serves a useful purpose by making it.  Wake the hell up people!  With all this constant analysis of the pros and cons of asana you would have to conclude it is the only aspect of Yoga the general public (and many of it's practitioners and even teachers) thinks matters.  Holy shit it was only supposed to be one branch of the system, and it's just a tool, not a goal, just a tool!!  You use it, you do not worship it, you do not covet it, at least certainly not in the context of a yogic practice.  I've said this many times over the years:  The pose is there to serve you, you are not there to serve the pose.  I often tell my students this, as I always urge them to listen to their own bodies when doing their practice, and let that arbitrate how far to go, or even whether they should do a certain pose at all.

So yeah, maybe you can hurt yourself doing Yoga, and frankly it's not as scientific or in many cases as safe as something like Pilates.  but in the 10 years I've been teaching I have not had a single report of someone injuring themselves in my classes.  Not a single one.  Believe it or not, if, as a teacher, you empower your students to be attentive to their own bodies and avoid silly yoga poses that have inherent risk associated with them (and there are a few of them) then asana, while not 100% risk free, is vastly safer than most other physical pursuits available today.  The problem is, a lot of schools are pushing the Asana practice as a measurable means of charting your progress as a Yogi, and that's just wrong, and it's why people are getting injured.  It's becoming a sport, a competition.  If you asked me which style of Yoga is best, I'd tell you it is the style that already lives inside you, just waiting to be found and unlocked.

Given Sunshine and Water; does it not grow?

I’ve been feeling an itch to write something fairly important [to me] in relation to Yoga for some time now, but converting intuitive thought into a written diatribe feels like a frustrating challenge and I worry I’m not up to the task.  Regardless, I have to let this thing vent itself.  It’s a necessary action probably not dissimilar to passing wind but hopefully a bit more pleasant for those who choose to read this.

Firstly I’d like to address the dynamic tension between my love of teaching [yoga] with my equal and opposite desire not to be stereotyped as a [yoga] teacher because I feel like I’ve reached a moment of clarity, and it’s been a few years coming.

There was something quite profound an old friend told me a long time ago, and it was nothing to do with Yoga.  In fact it was in relation to an idea.  The question was whether the idea was a “good idea” or a “bad idea”.  It seems that the idea came under fire because the author of the idea was discovered to be a flawed human being and this fact alone brought the validity of his idea into question.

But here’s the thing.  If someone said to you that one plus one equals two, would this statement be more or less true depending on who told it to you?

You may be thinking this has nothing to do with my original stated intent, but actually I think it has a whole lot to do with it.

One of the undeniable aspects of humanity is our capacity to judge.  If the math equation was a little more complex, for example the mathematical proof that black holes exist, you’d probably be more inclined to believe it’s veracity if it was delivered to you by Stephen Hawking rather than by a high school dropout.

But let’s say the equation presented was the same equation in both cases, our ability to accept it as truth is heavily influenced by our perception of the individual delivering the information.

It gets more complex than that though.  The way we make a judgement call is necessarily a reflection of our own experience and therefore bias.  Let’s say that we have two people but only one of those people knows the High school dropout is a genius at mathematics.  The point here is that more often than not, “we don’t know what we don’t know”.  In this case knowing this person was a High school dropout we believed we had sufficient knowledge upon which to make an informed decision but in fact, the knowledge we possessed worked against us, because it was incomplete and therefore misleading.  We would have been better off not knowing anything at all in spite of the fact that what we knew was true and factual information.

So let’s take a look at Yoga Teachers.  To be honest I have a bit of a hard time understanding them.  That’s going to be a bit of problem right there because apparently I am a Yoga teacher, or at least I teach Yoga classes, so by default that is what I am.  Furthermore, I’ve never lasted more than a few months on any specific style of Yoga before I just got too pissed off at the doctrine and just needed to go my own way:  Back into the wilderness of improvised Yoga I go.

But I’m talking about stuff that happened quite a long time ago, and as a practitioner of Yoga (for the sake of putting a label on it) I made peace with the fact that I didn’t need to find nor be part of a prescribed yoga system in order to “do yoga”.  In fact in order for it to become of genuine benefit in my life I had to go my own way because that was the only way I was able to “feel happy” doing it.

I came across so many different perspectives, which in some cases, were almost diametrically opposed to each other.  Most Yoga systems that have gained wide acceptance in the west have a strong bias towards Asana, but even within that specific classification there are massive variations on how Yoga should be practiced, both in terms of their physical execution and on the underlying energy; spiritual or even moral/philosophical principles that underpin them.

But you know what?  Even with all this noise and confusion, and with all the other people making their own judgements about what was a good system and what was a bad system, I realised the only valid system was the system that actually worked for me, and it was none of the ones currently available in a nicely packaged class/studio and teacher.

I came to find my Yoga was a physical Yoga strongly connected towards inwards listening not directed at the Yoga postures, but at how I felt emotionally while I did them.  This inwards listening to my emotional/mental state revealed stuff about me as a person.  I was goal oriented, and I found that with the greater emphasis on self-awareness that this aspect of my personality could make me happy or make me miserable.  This is where things got tricky.  Frankly the vast majority of Yoga classes that I went to that had a sufficiently strong focus on physicality also had an equally strong orientation towards achievement (which I needed like a bullet in the head) -even if well disguised in the alignment principles that were evading my physical limits or my cognitive capacity to understand exactly what the hell it was the teacher was asking of me.

So is there any system that does not inherently involve judgement?!?  Having teachers getting stuck into me, even with the best of intent was just not working.  I wanted to do my Yoga so why weren’t they letting me do it? Well apparently it’s not Yoga unless I do the pose this way, except if you go to another Yoga school and then you have to do it that way.  I’m being unfair of course but I’m trying to make a point.  It’s not that what they were doing was wrong, and I do teach alignment in my own classes, if for the simple reasons of creating structure; awareness; and ensuring safety, but when it gets right down to it I would go to a gymnastics club if all I really wanted the best possible advice on how to do a handstand.  I’m coming to a Yoga class because I’m looking for something else.  This does not mean you should not teach Handstands in a Yoga class (and conversely you should not feel bad if you don’t) it just means that maybe the objective is not so much about teaching the perfect handstand as it is the cultivation of the spirit while you are practicing them.

As I became more accomplished with Yoga asana I also started to realise how massive the undertaking was and what the limits were of this type of physical practice.  I started to see and experience that the isometric nature of Yoga Asana had genuine limits in terms of mastering your mind/body connection.  I was a Martial Artist for quite a long time before I wrecked all my flexibility with endless years of endurance sports.  This is not an attack on the value of asana or the practical merits of doing it, but rather a reality check that if we were to treat it purely as a system of physical training it lacks the dynamic movement necessary to develop power (speed + strength = power).

Further to this there is that other little thing called Dance.  Again, from a purely physical analysis (which puts Yoga at an unfair disadvantage) A flexible dancer and a flexible Yogi are not the same thing.  The functional movement and the sense of rhythm are not skills that can be learnt via isometric yoga postures alone. 

I want to emphasise that I am only making these points because yoga, even as a purely physically executed practice is not really about the physical.  So the shortcomings I may have argued in relationship to yoga asana should be taken in the context that I think Yoga is much bigger than that so it’s arguing a triviality. My view is Yoga teachers, especially western Yoga teachers make far too much of a big deal about Yoga asana thus transforming it into a means to it's own end when in fact it was only meant to be a subtle tool towards something much bigger.

Bottom line is that judged only on the physical merits I believe isometric asana is simply too one dimensional to be regarded as the single most effective form of physical training.  Ok, I know we have breathing techniques, I know there are new age Yoga derivatives that teach Yoga to music and are almost starting to cross the boundaries into dance.  I also know we have Kirtan, where the joyful act of singing and mantra and rhythm become the tool to access our bliss.  But really, don’t these (and other) derivatives of yoga just strengthen the case that yoga is a lot more then just asana poses?  Does this mean we can maybe stop fixating on the tool in order to enjoy the ride a bit more?  Maybe it’s possible, even valid to treat asana as a continuation of the intuitive journey we started when we were born and somehow knew to take our first breath.

So coming back to the original point of this article, I’ve been thinking more and more lately about my future as a teacher, or do I even have one?  The more I think about it the more I feel I have something important to offer and the only way I can do that is to at least try and make people understand that when I say I have mathematical proof that black holes exist you won’t immediately conclude that I’m full of shit just because I don’t have a well known brand name to attach to my style of Yoga nor do I particularly fit the stereotype.  I am serious, I’ve been doing this for a long time and I feel a certainty that when the time comes teaching Yoga will become a very big part of my life.

I’ve had enough affirmation as a teacher to know that I am very good at what I do, and that my method is valid and has a place.  Most importantly that there are plenty of people who see what I see and are more than willing to join me when I decide to set sail.  I’m looking forward to the adventures ahead.

In real terms, my current plans are to attend another teacher training with a guy known as Dharma Mittra, either in 2013 or 2014, and then open my own studio.  I did a class with Dharma when I was in New York way back in about 2006, and it planted a seed.  In my heart I think I always knew that one day I would go back, when I was ready.

The teacher vs the Yoga

Special mention to my Wednesday peeps.  Thankyou all so much for your continued support of my classes.  I've perhaps been lazy when it comes to marketing (what marketing?) but it also reflects my current position that I never started these classes with the intent to become commercially successful.  Viable? yes.  That what I do will be found to be relevant and will therefore find a home? yes.  At times I find this a difficult concept to explain to other teachers, if only because it risks coming across as patronising or condescending.  This concerns me very much when in fact I have so much respect for what they do, especially when I know they are authentic and have dedicated so much time to cultivating their own journey.

I still have no clarity as to whether teaching will become a greater part of my identity.  It remains a possibility who's time has still not come, who's time might never come, which is absolutely fine and exactly as it should be.  It's not a goal, it's a journey, like the practice, each step suggests where the next one will go and preconceptions about a long term destination will only corrupt that.

I've been exposing myself to other teachers quite a lot lately.  It continues to bring home to me that I'm unorthodox. I'm not drawn to overly technical teaching (though I can respect it in others).  I'm not drawn to the deep analysis of underlying bio-mechanics related to the Asana practice.  Yet in another sense I am, I just don't feel that engaging yoga as an academic pursuit is the right path [for me] either as a teacher or a practitioner.  I'm learning stuff about my body all the time.  I'm understanding how muscles relate and interact with each other.  I'm learning how my breath and state of mind connects in a very relevant way to my physical and mental well-being.

But to bring this type of experiential knowledge into an articulate verbal instruction set feels counter productive and anti-intuitive.  It's not how I practice, I'm not running my cognitive computer system over the poses and making sterile adjustments when I observe I'm breaking the rules.  It's working at a different level of consciousness than that.  More intimate and abstract, somehow closer to the source.  This is how I practice, this is therefore what I see and what I want to convey through my classes.  But I really have no answer to exactly how I do that, other than remove those things that I think get in the way, and whatever is left behind, that is what my classes will be.

It's not perfect.  It doesn't always go the way I would like.  I make mistakes and both physically and emotionally I pay a price.  But as long as I'm learning, the transaction is worth it.  The reward is growth and improved consciousness.